This past week, The Muslim Educational and Cultural Association held its annual Islam Awareness Week 2007. As if Islam wasn’t made painfully aware to Americans already, we at The Cornell American decided to co-sponsor some events of our own. The following schedule of events this past week were both enlightening and entertaining…
Monday, 4/9
4:30 — Book signing with Moqtada al-Sadr at the Cornell Store
Come with your copies of "The American, the Infidel, and Jew" to be signed by Iraq's biggest militia personality.
7:00 — Cornell Cinema Presents: The Bin Laden Tapes
With commentary and Q & A session with Cornell's resident expert on Middle Eastern affairs, Laura Taylor. At Willard Straight Hall.
Tuesday, 4/10
3:30 — Campus-wide militant riot. Meet at CJL. B.Y.O. AK-47.
5:00 — Flag-burning on Ho Plaza
Denounce the imperialist agressors.
8:00 — Sunni-Shia Hockey Showdown at Lynah Rink
Losers beheaded according to the will of Allah.
Wednesday, 4/11
4:30 — IED Construction Dos and Don'ts with the Chemistry Department
(Baker 101 E) What has some bang? What fizzles? Don't embarrass yourself—come to this instructional seminar!
7:30 — Make your own kidnapping video with the Film Department
(Schwartz SB23) Ropes, victims, masks, and large blades provided.
10:00 — CUTV presents Jimmy Carter’s self-detonation for Palestinian rights
Broadcast live from Haifa.
Thursday, 4/12
10:00 — Okenshields “Oil for Food”
Instead of meal plan, Okenshields will trade full-day passes to the dining hall for a pint of crude.
1:30 — Taliban fighter recruitment with John Walker Lindh
(Barton Hall) Want to make a statement? Get involved with the “American Taliban!”
8:30 — Burqa Beauty Pageant @ Schwartz Auditorium in Rockefeller Hall
Grand Prize: Be stoned to death for being a shameless harlot. Runner-up gets a goat.
Friday, 4/13
Noon — Jihad on Day Hall
Occupy Day Hall until the Campus Code of Conduct is changed to reflect sharia law!
9:30 — Public Execution of Eric Shive
Round out your Islam Awareness Week by helping dispose of this campus’s biggest infidel!
* Camel Parking provided.
** Security at all events provided by CUPD and Hezbollah.